Want a spanking good relationship? Then STOP saying these 3 words today!

Has your significant other ever said something and it got under your skin? I know you’ve probably never done this … just them ; )

Personally–I’m tired of those arguments where you really don’t know what you’re bickering about. So I began to pay attention to the words Alexandra and I used before a argument would happen, and I found 3 that make the situation go from simmering to scorching in the snap of a finger.

Here’s what we’re going to do … I’m going to share those 3 words used in real situations that you and I say often. Then, we’re going to break it down and present a different way to say the same thing.

Ultimately we all should want to respond to our significant other in a way that respects them. Here’s a little inspiration to get us started:

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” – Proverbs 15:1

Now, how many times have you said something like this to your significant other:

I always have to pick up after you and clean the house myself.

You never listen to me & remember what I say.

Are you ever going to stop being so selfish?

Always. Never. Ever.

Honestly, it takes having these words used against yourself before you realize how it’s pretty silly to throw them out during an argument.

Let’s break it down super simple so there’s no confusion as to how & why never, ever and always just suck when you’re trying to have a good relationship.

Instead of using always, replace it with the word often (and add some compliments).

The way to say it if you want to start / continue an argument:

I always have to pick up after you and clean the house myself.

The way to say it if you wan to resolve the matter:

I often have to pick up after you and clean the house. I’m not saying I always do it, because I know you work hard and help too, and I would really appreciate some help.

Leave out the word always because it just ain’t true. You don’t always do everything, but you are most likely often taking care of it. By dropping that word and replacing it with often you can completely change the tone of the conversation. It moves from an accusation against the other person to a truth about what you’re actually doing and how you’re feeling. Straight up–who wouldn’t appreciate being talked to that way?

Instead of using never in a statement–turn it into a question.

The way to say it if you want to start / continue an argument:

You never listen to me & remember what I say.

The way to say it if you wan to resolve the matter:

Have I not been communicating with you very well?

It’s really smart to turn things around as a question to the other person. It takes you out of the judgement seat and you’re starting the conversation with the option for them to let you know how they feel as well. Maybe you aren’t doing a great job at communicating. Or, maybe they’ve just not made an effort to pay attention to what you’re saying. Either way, come from a honest place that wants to resolve the matter and start with a question to break the ice, instead of jabbing accusations that put them on the defense as soon as the conversation begins.

Instead of using ever, replace it with the word concerned (and add some compliments).

The way to say it if you want to start / continue an argument:

Are you ever going to stop being so selfish?

The way to say it if you wan to resolve the matter:

I’m concerned that you’re not considering the way I think or feel, and here’s why…

Ever means at all times; continuous. There’s no way your significant other is continually at all times being selfish (and if they are then you need more than a blog article to get back on track). We use this word as if it’s okay to throw out lies in order to make our point. This word doesn’t build your spouse up, it tears them down. And when you get into arguments where you ain’t concerned about using truthful statements in order to bring resolution, then you just aren’t being wise. Use the word concerned as a replacement and kindly present your thoughts as to why you are concerned. From there, keep your cool no matter how the other person reacts … it just might defuse the situation and you’ll find that peace you’ve been searching for.

Good relationships take time and they’re worth it. So use words that are going to make the ride smoother and less bumpy. And remember, a gentle response will stop an argument, but harsh words just make people angry.

With My Best,
– B

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