I’d like to say that my wife and I are one of those perfect couples who’ve done it all right–but that type of relationship just doesn’t exist. At least, not in real life.
I think one of the hardest things to really [truthfully & honestly] do in a relationship is to acknowledge, understand and accept your significant others’ perspective. I mean, we say all of the time, “I understand where you’re coming from, BUT…”
We always add the “but…”
It doesn’t feel like my immediate human nature is to see where my wife is coming from. My first instinct isn’t to understand how she feels–it is to list out the reasons why I’m right.
If we’re honest with ourselves we want to make sure the other person knows our perspective and why we are justified to feel the way we do.
But, if you want to have a healthy relationship, then you’ve got to put on your big boy & big girl undies and make your best attempt to acknowledge, understand and accept.
How to Communicate Better in Your Relationship When You Argue
1. ACKNOWLEDGE – When we acknowledge the way the other person is feeling–they feel validated.
It is extremely important that both sides of the relationship feel heard; and I don’t just mean you hear the noise coming out of their mouth. When we affirm our significant other by simply acknowledging they feel a certain way it allows them to feel like you are listening and that you care enough to stop and take time to work it out.
2. UNDERSTAND – When we simply [and truthfully] try to understand the other persons’ perspective it builds trust in the relationship.
Relationships are built on trust. We open up when we feel we can trust the other person to acknowledge & understand how we feel then we’re going to keep communicating. On the flip side, when we feel like opening up will only lead to accusations & arguments then the level of trust is weakened and your ability to resolve the argument becomes jacked up!
3. ACCEPT – Being able to accept what the other person has to say will make your relationship last the long haul.
Some of my biggest arguments with my wife have ended up with me accepting the truth about why we were arguing. Sometimes the truth was accepting I had some character flaws. Sometimes the truth was accepting that she had some too. Most of the time the truth was accepting that each of us needed to respect each other more and not cross certain boundaries. By simply accepting what the other person has to say–they will feel listened to and you’ll be able to move on from the argument.
A healthy relationship is possible and it’s one of the greatest satisfactions you’ll experience in life. Show a huge level of respect for your significant other and it will keep you from many unnecessary arguments.
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With My Best,