I just may be the master of not saying things the way I intended to.
I’m sure you can relate.
You say something one way, it’s misunderstood, and taken another way.
“Ugh,” you feel.
Another meaningless argument because you “just can’t say anything at all” and you “better never say anything again”. Am I the only one who gets unreasonable like this?
Here’s the deal–you are great at understanding what your intention is behind everything that you say. Now, learn to do the same for your spouse.
Question: How are you at not judging the action of your spouse and looking deeper to see the intention behind what they are saying?
Go ahead and read that question again. And #thinkhard on it.
It’s not always easy, but there are benefits to adding this habit to your daily routine, and here’s 5 of them.
5 Reasons To Not Judge The Action & Look At The Intention of Your Spouse
1. Immediately judging the action just carries on the argument.
Why? Because you’re going to go round and round about what was actually said, instead of getting past yourself and forgiving to see WHY it was said and WHAT was really meant by it.
2. You’ll clear up a misunderstanding in a minute–instead of arguing for an hour.
Yup. I’d say an average argument for Alexandra and I could last anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Typically we’re done actually arguing in a few minutes, but then we have the negative attitude for a short time to follow. Let’s decide to grow up and have clarity on what the intention was, and enjoy that next hour with each other instead of squabbling.
3. This attitude will carry over into most ALL your relationships, not just one.
Looking past the noise and focusing in directly on the intent of a person’s actions is not an easy skill to acquire … it takes patience and a deliberate effort on your part to not be short sided. And once you can practice this attitude effectively towards your spouse (the hardest one of all to conquer), you’ll naturally do the same for other meaningful relationships you have.
4. You’ll see your spouse’s’ true heart.
We all mess up and have things come out of our mouths not at all how we wanted it to. It can be especially difficult to judge someone’s intention when words can be so cutting. That doesn’t make this mindset any less true, though. You should be curious to know and understand someone’s heart more than their action. Actions always follow how the heart feels. And sometimes, very stupid actions are done as a result. By practicing patience and deliberating trying to view the intent you can find some really cool stuff inside of your spouse’s heart that neither of you never knew were there. Don’t expect to be great at judging intent overnight, but do expect for it to completely blow your mind when you see how useful this practice is.
5. You’ll find the peace your soul needs.
Work with me here. I’m not going to get all weird on you … but do understand that your soul is searching for peace. How often do we over-heat the engines of our heart & mind because we get so revved up and overlook the intent by immediately judging the action? Jumping to conclusions, over-stepping boundaries, saying things you don’t mean … just a short list of 3 majorly common methods we use to “solve problems”. Do your soul a favor and allow yourself to be at rest; at peace. No, your husband probably doesn’t think “you’re the worst person ever” and your wife doesn’t, “always act like a crazy loon-a-tic” … slow down; think; think longer; and have an honest discussion that involves really examining the heart and intent of your spouse; not just the action.
You deserve to have the very best in your life, and I’m willing to say so for you.
Do you think this is a practice worth adding to your life? Be specific in the comments below and tell me how you can practice this habit in your relationship. But don’t get all weird and talk bad about your significant other … I’m not down with that!
With My Best,