I was engaged within 3 months of dating, and married on the 8th month of our “will you be my girlfriend” anniversary. So, don’t mistake this advice as an endless courtship that takes war strategy to figure out.
This is simple.
Pay attention to the strengths & weaknesses of who you’re with, and don’t brush serious issues under the rug. Deal with them by chatting about them. If you can have deep & calm conversations about these 4 things, you’ll set your mind & heart at ease when you begin thinking about the rest of your life together.
No matter how you talk about it, do it.
I’m just saying–straight up, you better know who you’re marrying and talk about these important topics so you don’t wake up 5 years from now wondering why things are so stinky!
4 Mindsets Every Couple Should Be On The Same Page About Before Exchanging Rings
1. Kids–Do you want em’?
This is a deal breaker for most people. Being a parent is like one of the biggest dreams people can have. To blindside your partner a few years into the marriage with, “I never wanted kids” is such a devastating way to handle it. You take away their right to choose being a marriage where they will never have children. Please, be honest about this no matter how difficult it may be.
2. Religion–Is there a God?
Belief in a higher power is pretty wide-spread. Not everyone believes the same as you, and a lot of times we assume our spouse does … until a few years into the marriage and something bad happens. Our faith is tested [ if we have any ], and who you really are comes out. It’s how we react in difficult times that show our true nature. Faith also becomes important when children come into the picture–because both parents want their children to be raised a certain way. If you’ve each got different principles, values & beliefs you will have a conflicting way of raising kids and dealing with the adversities of life. Do yourself a favor, and talk about this now.
3. Identity–Are they freaking crazy?
“I just didn’t know this is who she really was.”
“I had no idea he was like this.”
Look, relationships are always a gamble. You have to put yourself out there if you ever want to experience love. You’re always at risk for your heart to be hurt. However, it is important to talk even further with your potential mate about what they believe about themselves. Are they super dependent upon you or can they stand on their own two feet? Do they believe in themselves or become overly critical every time they OR you mess up? Do they still whine for mommy & daddy and want them to make life easy & right for them? You can fool yourself by thinking you’re marrying a man OR woman, when you are really about to adopt a child. Ew! There are many ways to figure out if the person you’re with is a nut-job or has the right amount of screws loose to be fun, but here is the simplest: pay attention & don’t brush things under the rug.
4. Career–What are you willing to sacrifice?
For me, I was willing to sacrifice time with my wife for achievements at work. This became a problem when I was constantly focused on “providing a life” for our future selves, that I forgot about our present selves. Being ambitious is fantastic, but not at the extent of never being around. Talk about both of your career goals so that you are mentally prepared to sacrifice at different junctions of your life–AND so you are willing to stand up & be firm when things get out of control. We spend the majority of our life working, so it is essential your paths will come together, otherwise 1 person will end up making all of the sacrifices and will become resentful, bitter and disconnected throughout the marriage.
5. Sex & Health–How do you want to live while on earth?
My wife and I knew that we didn’t want to deal with the health issues that most Americans are faced with in life. So together, we agreed to eat right [ the best we can ] and exercise daily so we could enjoy life without stereotypical health issues. We also knew that having a healthy sex life was something we wanted to take seriously. We knew that many couples secretly struggle with this and we didn’t want that to happen to us. By talking openly about sex, Alexandra and I have been able to create a safe environment of trust on this topic. We understand how a healthy sex life effects overall peace in our relationship. Talking about this before we got married and keeping the conversation open ever since has really strengthened our marriage. Talk about this, please, before you get married and don’t make sex an uncomfortable conversation.
Even if you’re already married, it’s not too late to open up about these essential principles & mindsets. You deserve a strong & healthy relationship, and I believe that’s possible with some daily effort. Don’t be overwhelmed; be encouraged and apply the parts of this to your life that matter right now.
Above all, just be honest. Even if–especially if–you’ve messed up.
It will clear your heart and give you peace in your mind.
With My Best,
I’d love to hear from you! Is there a mindset you think is important to be on the same page about before marriage. Leave a comment below and let me know your opinion.