I know it’s really difficult sometimes to not joke about your significant other whenever you’re hanging out with your friends. It seems like you’re just saying something innocent & fun to make everyone laugh, but the reality is every joke has some truth to it.
And on the other side of that joke is the person you’ve committed your life to. So it goes without saying that sharpening your ability to get better at these 3 things not to do in social settings will really strengthen your relationship.
Let’s take a look to see which one you need to improve upon the most.
3 Things Couples Do In Social Settings That Cause Deep Wounds
1. Talking Down To Your Significant Other
Have you ever told a joke you thought was funny–but your partner wasn’t laughing? And then, have you ever told it again against their wishes? I mean, you didn’t mean to … you forgot! Then you get home to the argument you didn’t get to have at the party. They are hurt. Annoyed. Frustrated. They just want to be treated with respect and know that you think more highly of them than what your joke entailed. I mean, this isn’t the first time you’ve told it so you must think it’s true.
Your partner understands they have some fault in this–that’s why the joke isn’t very funny [to them]. Because they’re trying their best to improve, and the diss in front of your friends feels like a step backwards. The important thing is to stop repeating this pattern, and establish a boundary in your relationship. Learn where the line is and don’t cross it.
On the flip side, you can’t create a crime scene of red tape that makes it impossible for anyone to have a good time. There’s a balance you’ve got to establish, but I’m certain you are smart enough to know where that balance is. Next time, instead of telling a joke about your partner–brag on them in front of everyone about how good they are at something. Trust me, that’ll add huge levels of trust, respect and love to your relationship.
2 – Arguments In Front Of Groups Of People
Ya know, there are a lot of reasons why you shouldn’t hold your personal arguments in front of friends & family, and here are two:
- When you make it public, you’re opening it up to the jury. Not just any jury either, because this one knows you both really freaking well. The friend & family jury. Here’s the deal–they will pick sides. How could they not? Then, when the two of you are past your silly argument, guess who still remembers and now has opinions formed? Do yourselves a favor and wait till it gets home. Unless you need some serious counseling, you’re only opening yourself up to criticism by making a personal disagreement, public.
- You know the saying, “I don’t care what anyone thinks of me!” This is a load of bull. Your reputation is important. Think about it like this–Most of the time we when people say they don’t care what others think, it’s because they’ve made some very poor choices and they don’t want to own up to them. So instead of admitting their faults they take on the identity of not caring. The reality is that we should all have a healthy understanding of how we come across to the other people. You don’t want to be known as the couple that always fights. If you are, no one will want to be around you … and that’s not anyone’s fault except your own. Choose to make a pact with your partner to deal with disagreements after the party is over. Who knows, that silly thing you were arguing about just may drift off never to be thought of again.
3. The Blame Game
The blame game hurts the most because we’re exposing private info in front of people who we care about. We care what they think! We get embarrassed when something no one knows about us suddenly becomes the topic of discussion. We’ll blame each other for bad spending habits, poor diets (because someone never cooks). We blame each other for something done in the past and that’s why you are justified to act the way you do now. The blame game is really exposing the truth that you have some trust issues that no one in the relationship is dealing with. For that, you’re both to blame.
Trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. With it, you can create an insane amount of comfort with your significant other because you trust each other. It allows you to see past what your partner has done and see their intention behind it. This is an insanely powerful element to add to your relationship. Trust will get you through extremely tough times because you’ll have built a fortress of good communication that’s laid on a solid foundation of trust & assurance.
Can you recognize your relationship in any of these? Leave a comment below about how you were able to overcome any of these 3 things in your relationship.
With My Best,