Just so you know–I write, to learn. My curiosity of how to have a good relationship drives me to seek out truth. I’m no expert; just merely curious. And I’m curiously amazed that a consistent date night with my wife has understatedly revolutionized our marriage. In other words; we’re a lot freaking happier now.
I really began noticing the invisible distance between Alexandra and I about a year into our marriage.
It seemed like each week Alexandra would say, “we’re not spending any time together”–and undoubtedly, I felt like I had all these random commitments with work and life that I wasn’t carving out the time I desired to spend with her either.
We both noticed a gap in our relationship–we just weren’t sure how to fix it.
We got married because we enjoy spending time around each other. Probably one of the same reasons you got married, too.
I was hanging out with some of my buddies from church and someone threw down the idea of having a date night. My initial reaction was, “That sounds like an unnecessary reason to spend more money each month–no thanks!” (Why do we let money control us so much?) Still though, I tweaked our monthly budget and allowed the idea to excite me. I asked Alexandra to pick a night each week that worked for her; and we’d try it out. And a weekly date night has worked out very well.
10 Reasons A Weekly Date Night Revolutionized My Marriage
1. This has become our sacred time.
Although the day of the week changes each season (Alexandra is still finishing up college)–this day is sacred to us. It’s a non-negotiable. This night to me is just as important as a business meeting for work, and for Alexandra it is just as important as showing up for class. It’s very simple–we made this night just as important as our careers. Why? Because this 1 relationship is the most important one we’ll ever have and it needs dedicated attention each week if we want it to flourish.
2. We wanted our relationship to be great–not just okay.
I think we’ve both always known that there’s something more–something greater. Greatness doesn’t have to be flashy; greatness also means to be first-rate; exceptional; to be unusually powerful. Our weekly date night is unremarkably simple. It has become a very small habit that has built up over time to be a huge success in our marriage.
3. Alexandra and I have something to look forward to every single week.
We look forward to sporting games; once-a-year-birthdays; holidays–all big events that are rare & in-between. Do you know how awesome it is to look forward to a week-night every week? Set a date night and I promise–you will have this feeling. The ability to have something, anything, to look forward to is a powerful force that will add an exciting dynamic to your relationship.
4. It created a level of appreciation we didn’t have before.
Why? Because she is the only person and I’m the only person in each other live’s that we’re willing to sacrifice this time for. Of course we’re busy; and sometimes it would be easier to ignore this sacred time together … we personally don’t live in a magical fairy-land where everything in our live is easy. I’m guessing you don’t either. But by carving out time every week it has created this really cool connectedness we didn’t have before.
5. Because sometimes–we argue on date night.
Don’t want to argue on a date night? Well, me neither–but sometimes it happens. One date night Alexandra and I had a great time, and then ended up arguing on the way home. The details of our argument aren’t important, but here’s what is: we dealt with it. This is how a healthy marriage is maintained–by dealing with issues instead of burying them. And sometimes being isolated with each other you are faced with some things you need to work on. So work on it, and understand you’re growing & deepening your relationship when you resolve differences. In fact, I’m grateful we had the time to argue (instead of it happening in a moment where we didn’t have time to deal with it). Arguments are never the root problem–it’s when we don’t communicate respectfully and come to a resolution–that’s the real problem.
6. We’re not bored in our marriage.
We don’t do the same thing every week; it’s always different. And if we are doing the same thing it’s because we want to (like watching harry potter movies). If you ever feel bored in your marriage it’s likely because you’re not changing things up. Go out and do something worth taking a photo over–or worth remembering. And sometimes, all Alexandra and I need to remember is that we spent some quality time together on Tuesday night watching a movie we love in a house we love. Other times–we need to get dressed up, out the house, and eat a meal that we could never have made ourselves. Do something worth remembering.
7. We’re building relational equity within our marriage.
It’s the small consistent steps (that seem insignificant) that build up to huge successes. We want to be married for 60 years, and our weekly date night is one way to get there. Date night isn’t the way to get there; just one of the many ways that we are building relational equity and getting closer with each other.
8. We only have 3,128 date nights left.
60 years from today I’ll be 86 years old. If I live to be 86 then Alexandra and I have 3,128 date nights left in our life. On our date night’s we pull 1 marble out of a jar that symbolizes how many date night’s we have left. It really forces our mind to appreciate the fact that we’re only given so much time on earth before we die–and if we’re incredibly lucky we’ll be able to use every marble. We leave the marble on the last place we’re at on our date night–for someone else to find.
9. I became significantly more grateful for the time I have with Alexandra.
I don’t want to be busy anymore. I hate that word–busy. Straight up, it is an honor to spend any time I can with my wife because no one is guaranteeing me another day or even another moment with her. I have become increasingly aware of how life can stop for anytime at anytime. I’m grateful for the tough days because I really learn in those moments–and because it makes me so much more grateful on the good days.
10. Date night showed us to keep dating after we were married.
I hate the mindset that you stop trying because you’re already “locked-in” with each other. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but a lot of people get divorced. I don’t want to think for a second I don’t need to compliment, impress and give my best to my wife. Sure, technically I don’t have to because we’re married, but I want to. I want to give my wife the best I can–and I know I have more to give. So we’ve decided to continue “dating” while we’re married.
Your marriage deserves to be strong. You’ve got to be intentional about making time for each other and interested in giving your best. My challenge for you is to start your own weekly date night. Test it for a month and see how it impacts your relationship.
Do something worth taking a photo over–and something worth remembering.
With my best,